Childhood Escapes
Monday, April 10, 2006
The abandoned vacant lot next to our backyard was my favorite place to play when I was a child. A carpet of yellow, purple and white wild flowers along with the tall and short dark green grasses covered the entire lot. I would always pick several flowers and take them home with me. Hundreds of small, yellow butterflies were flying freely from one flower to another. Whenever I would catch one, I would place it in the bottle and I watch it with fascination. But, my greatest enjoyment came from chasing high-hopping, fast-flying grasshoppers. No matter how fast I ran, my short legs never could catch them. This is made catching them a great challenge. The abandoned lot was full of excitement and wonder. This is where I spent most of my time when I was a child.
The abandoned vacant lot next to our backyard was my favorite place to play when I was a child. A carpet of yellow, purple and white wild flowers along with the tall and short dark green grasses covered the entire lot. I would always pick several flowers and take them home with me. Hundreds of small, yellow butterflies were flying freely from one flower to another. Whenever I would catch one, I would place it in the bottle and I watch it with fascination. But, my greatest enjoyment came from chasing high-hopping, fast-flying grasshoppers. No matter how fast I ran, my short legs never could catch them. This is made catching them a great challenge. The abandoned lot was full of excitement and wonder. This is where I spent most of my time when I was a child.
posted by Ilangilang at 1:16 PM
3 Comments:
To michelle, thanks for your comment..
From Michelle
On the paragraph that started "The carpet" I would replace that with "A carpet of yellow...Next sentence, I would start by saying "I would always pick several flowers and take them home with me" (to be in agreement with a past tense).
I would start the next sentence with "Also, there were hundreds of small, yellow butterflies flying freely from one flower to another.
Whenever I would catch one, I would place it in a bottle and watch it with fascination. (This would give my sentence a better transition).
After that, I would follow by:
But, my greatest enjoyment came from chasing the high-hopping, fast flying grasshoppers. No matter how fast I ran, my short legs could never keep up with them. This made catching them a great challenge.
In the last two sentences I would say:
That abandoned lot was full of excitement and wonder. This is where I spent most of my time when I was a child. (This keeps the time frame consistent with the past).
To Craig,
Thanks for having fun critizing my piece. Feel free to say anything...
...just kidding. Thanks Craig for the comment. :)
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