Monday, June 05, 2006

Childhood Games

Surprisingly, walking to the beach and collecting sea shells was one of my favorite things to do when I was young. To have fun collecting shells, first I invited my three cousins, who live close by, to spend the night in our house. Spending the night together in the living room was part of it. We pushed the all furniture aside, spread the mat on the floor, and we laid on top of them. After we had our pillow fights, we talked, played jokes, and sang silly songs endlessly almost through the entire night, but we still managed to wake up early in the morning to catch the sunrise. But the most important thing of all was to bring the blankets and empty cans. As soon as we arrived to the beach which was still dark, we laid our blankets on the sand and sat on them. Next, while waiting for the sun; we talked, played jokes, and sang silly songs endlessly again, and at the same time watched the fisherman's boat arrived and unloaded their early catch. Patiently, we sat and gazed at stars and moon that gradually disappeared as the sun was coming out. All of us were frozen silent as we watched the sunrise. "Wow, look at that!" said one of my cousins, as he pointed above the water. We all looked with wonder to the bright yellow, orange, red and purple that painted the puffy clouds and sky. Hours after the sun was up, anxious and excited, my cousins and I grabbed the empty cans and started walking to pick up the shells of all types. I considered sharing the walks, talks, and jokes with my cousins while picking up empty shells on the beach to one of my ritual childhood games.

1 Comments:

Blogger Ilangilang said...

juan110@cox.net (Juan & Michelle)

I was just done reading your writings, I am impressed! You came a long way, you'd improved tremendously. The context of the "Childhood games," I think will be a lot stronger sentence if you started it will "Surprisingly," because it will be a better sentence structure. Next, I would changed "as soon as we arrived, to We arrived at the beach at dawn" ...something like that. Finally, then while waiting for the sun; we talked, played...(you have lots of verbs, replace comma to (;) semi-colon...look at the book that I gave you, it will tell you when to use commas, colon, or semi-colon. One more thing on the sentence where it said, said one of my cousin, you put s after cousin, remember you were referring to only one cousin so it is singular. Finally, put (,) after cousin, it is interrupted clause or prepositional phrase so there should be a comma.

Over all, you'd done a great job and you had improved so much. Keep taking English class, it will open a new horizon for you. The tone, is ok, you stayed within your topic, and the creativity is excellent!!!

juan110@cox.net

12:42 PM  

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